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[is captured.. for the queen to use.]
Thursday 02.05.2004 12:25PM
It's been a bit over two months, not by much though.. I've a fair amount to report back but I'm just going to review last night. Get to everything else later, I don't want to forget last night and end up having it left out.

Mo and I were attending another of Guy's shows, where his band was supposed to play, plus there was going to be a duet involving a friend of his. The show was to start at nine but he wouldn't be on until ten, or this is at least what was thought up until a little before eight last night. He called informing me he wouldn't be on until one.. one! Mo was taking me to this, Mo needs sleep and works in the morning, not to mention I'd nearly begged her to bring a friend with since Guy and I were supposed to have a talk-in-the-hallway before the show. I wasn't just going to leave her there by herself.

So here I am, it's basically eight and they'll be here any minute and I'm freaking out.. kicking things, a lot of four letter words, and almost in tears, not knowing what to do. Go and not see him play? My main goal in going was to see him play, I didn't care if we were on even decent terms or not, or if he even talked to me, or anything.. I just wanted to see his set. It was important to me.

We decided we'd go anyway, mainly because I then just wanted to see him.. and horribly hoped he wouldn't let me leave before he played, that's where I get very girlish. With everyone around me saying "maybe he'll take you home! or you can stay at his place!" I knew better, but like I said, secretly hoped. We made it there and walked in..

There were many many more people than the last show, many many many. Guy showed up within minutes of us, and asked if we wanted to find a table.. so we did, in the very back, you couldn't get further back than this, but that was good. Table (seating order too) = Mo, myself, Raeanne(I don't know how to tell her name, I am sorry.) Guy sat at the small table that was virtually connected to ours, I think I sort of pushed him there.

I did nothing right, I just.. couldn't talk to him. Glowsticks, I can't forget that.. the three of us made fun of them when we walked in, I mean, come on now. However, Guy walked away, which he did a lot to check on the show stuff, get drinks, so on and so forth.. but then he walked back with a glowstick for each of us girls, and that was just.. very cute.

It's a little after eleven now and I've been informed we have to leave because Raeanne had to be home by twelve, I knew we wouldn't be able to stay and see him play but I found this crushing. The night had been so good and up since we'd gotten there, serious fun, and then I just plummeted. Mo went to get us a couple more drinks, and I called Guy to the seat next to me, but then Raeanne left the table looking like I'd set this up. I just wanted to tell him we were leaving in fifteen minutes, so he knew, and he brought up the fact we were going to talk and he said "I really don't have anything more to say about the matter.." and I informed him I didn't even know what to say to him.

"The matter" is something that'll be here soon, but not today.

I hoped he'd make that offer.. a ride, a place to sleep.. but it wasn't made, and in my gut I knew it wouldn't be. He doesn't want to have to deal with me in the morning. Simple as that. Everyone came back to the table and he took his previous seat, fifteen minutes passed.. I put on my coat, grabbed my purse, and started to make my way out. He stood up when he realized we were leaving, I kept walking until the girls were saying good-bye to him when I felt the need to sort of grab them and leave. He thanked us for coming.. that such. I didn't say a word, we walked away.

Ten feet to be exact when I stopped in my tracks, said "I don't know what to do", and walked back to him.. he was still standing in the same spot, hadn't moved an inch. He leaned in as if I was going to say something, I just wanted to hug him, so I did.. he hugged back. I pulled away, look up at him and said "yeah, see you in a couple of months."

Ah, the bitterness that shone through. He'd opened his mouth to say something, or had started to.. but I'd turned my back and made my way out. I walked quietly but hard to the car, took my seat, and didn't move or say a word on the way back to Mo's. Raeanne's car was there, and we were dropping her off first so she could get home in time.

We arrived there, said good-bye to Raeanne and Mo asked if I wanted to move to the front seat. I did. Then she asked if I wanted to go back, I cried, horribly and said yes. That is an amazing thing she did, I've never been so grateful for anything in my life. That meant more than she'll ever know. We made it there..

and I walked in like I owned the place. I had no other choice, I had to play strong for this or look like an ass for the dramatic exit earlier. I walked past the bar, saw our table.. and was confused to see that he'd taken it over, just him there.. in our seats. I took a deep breath, walked over and quickly said "you've stolen our table!" I felt the need to plunge right in there to protect myself from backlash that I didn't note his expression at the fact we were back.

"You drove all the way back?" he did ask, and I just said yes and smiled.

He sat next to me, and it was just.. nice. We had occasional banter, the leaning in to hear and talk, we made fun of things.. tons of things. Mo was dually hit on, by some very drunk college friend's of the girl Guy was doing the duet with. I stayed as close to Guy as possible through that and barely looked their way, we had our knowing looks and would laugh at what was going on. He left to go perform. and in the middle of their first song, one of the drunk friends came back.. and was talking! We drove forty-five minutes back to see this! This kid was trying to talk to me now, wondering why I was so quiet.. and I sort of snapped back in the nicest manner how I really wanted to see them play.

I heard him ask Mo "so.. is that.. like.. her boyfriend???", she just said "I don't know" because it was a weird position.. he exclaimed "don't give me that bullshit!"

I did apologize to him for seeming rude and explained, which he didn't understand.. because he was very very drunk.

They did good, but only did two songs together, and his band didn't even bother to come. It was nearly two by now, though.. and everyone was ready to go. They got off stage.. and he kept starting to make his way over to us, but people kept grabbing him aside, I went to the bathroom.. came back and him and the girl from the duet were standing with Mo at our table.

We said our good-byes.. he hugged me.. and we left.

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Wednesday, 12.03.2003 02:43PM
I'm out of work for the first time in quite some time now. Let me explain here, within a couple weeks of me starting I was informed that we were closing. Not just our branch, who was the least needed and brought in the littlest amount of money, but the entire company. This company has been around since 1919 and serves not only throughout the state, but the country, and even Mexico (a little fact I only knew from viewing the company webpage, that by the way hasn't been updated in about three years).

Point being, I had managed to come into a very well established business and make them drop to their knees in under three weeks. Nice. We were interviewed shortly after by the company that would be replacing us, I made an ass out of myself like usual and went about my life. None of us heard anything for nearly two full months, then a couple were hired.

I had thought about it and didn't want to transfer over, I didn't trust the company, the people, nor their so called ability. They don't know how to properly run what they have now let alone throw in a new edition in which they have never had. They've never dealt with a branch like us.

So, the human resources lady eventually came down to talk to me, and I informed her of all these things going on at home that would unfortunately prevent me from being able to accept employment from them. The stupid wench didn't care! She said she'd allow me to take two leave of absences right off the bat. I never actually accepted the job, she forced it down my throat even after many times of telling her I wasn't going to be able to do it. She literally filled out my hiring forms for me, while the other girls sat and wrote theirs out.

My current manager had said there was something weird going on, because this human resources lady hadn't made a real move until me. She had hired a couple of girls but had not filled out forms or anything of the sort. Within moments of talking to me she came down and did. I don't get it. Regardless to say, I don't work for them. They probably caught on to this when I never showed up. Ah well, you can't win 'em all, right?

My only regret here is ... the boy who works for them. Now that's sad that my hormones have that much over me to make me consider staying at a job I'm unhappy with, with a company that is just filthy, just because of some possibly nineteen year old, tall, strawberry blonde guy who barely ever makes eye contact and shuffles his feet. No matter what whenever I saw him I'd blush and get all fluttery. It was one sad sight.

Moving right along, about a week before Thanksgiving I attended a Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving, and it was the best thing ever. It was a bunch of Guy's friends few that I had met before while watching football at his place. Becca who I adore, made the entire meal and did a fantastic job. Even when she went to melt the marshmallows on top of the yams and stuck the plastic bowl they were in into the oven. Melted, nice. I have pictures of it, yay! Best turkey I've ever had, and the most intoxicating (literally) dessert ever.

Everyone spent the night there and I saw tapes of Guy when he couldn't have been more than 14, priceless. I met more people than I could count, and held myself fairly well. Until this one kid I couldn't stand was around, in which I would excuse myself to the balcony and I would tell Guy how I horribly wanted to murder that kid. HE WAS JUST HORRIBLE! I had to be to work the next afternoon, so we headed back home nice and early (I was woken up by Guy with a swift poke to the forehead, I don't get it either, don't worry.)

It was awful weather, tons of snow, and we spun out a couple times and almost died, but no big deal, right? I heard some great music and saw some great sights. It was a good time.

I'm leaving out romantic details of random things, as I don't understand it so there is no chance you're going to either. One word.. mistakes.

Next Monday I have to have all of my wisdom teeth removed, which in itself is unpleasant but throw in who my doctor is and it gets worse. Not to mention he's leaving the country four days after, that makes me nervous. Just not good, not good at all.

Trying to get everything out now and quickly so I can start to get ready. Ready for what you ask? Why.. Mo and I are going to see Guy's show tonight. Their band has a show, and like I said, we're going to see it. An entire day was devoted to try to help him think of a decent name for that damn band, only to have them be denied by all the other members. He wanted this certain name that contained Penguins and the band wouldn't go for it ... so, I've purchased him fun penguin toys! That's all.

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